The Apology Industry

From Unfocusgroup.org

Originated by Brendan Fernandes

There is a growing trend for public figures to make public apologies, in order to appease perceived outrage at something that they have done. So you get politicians apologising for minor comments that some people claim to take offence at, or TV companies apologising for something that guests have said or done on a show, or politicians apologising for something that one of their underlings have done. In particular, there is now a culture of apologising for something that other people have done, even if those people are not under your control.

A lot of the time, these apologies are insincere, partly because they are forced upon by party leaders or newspaper campaigns, and partly because the people apologising don't feel that they have done anything wrong.

This apologising is getting in the way of people doing their jobs, because people spend all of their time apologising all of the time. So there is a growing need to outsource apologies.

Following the collapse of the banking "industry", which was one of the mainstays of the British economy, we need to find jobs for many of these people who don't really do anything productive for society. The apology industry is the perfect growth opportunity for the British economy. Like banking, it is considered a service.

There are many types of service that can be offered. For example, the basic service would be for somebody to apologise on your behalf. A more advanced feature would be "scapegoating", whereby a professional scapegoat is employed in the services of a public figure. Should something go wrong, the scapegoat would be blamed, make a public apology and resign. Professional scapegoats would physically write every letter and fill out every form and sign everything on their employer's behalf. Their motto would be simple: We take none of the credit - and all of the blame!

We can even offshore our apologies, for example to India or China. But we must beware, because people in other countries are excellent apologisers, and may end up outdoing us with their methods and processes. For example, Japanese companies could offer harakiri as a service, where professional apologisers will, quite literally, fall on their swords on your behalf. I don't think that British companies could compete, except through the management of apology services perhaps.

Because professional scapegoats can only ever publicly resign once before their careers are over, there is plenty of opportunity to provide insurance services to scapegoats, and all other such financial instruments. It's a global gravy train for sure.

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